Moving Forward

Had a follow up ultrasound today. Very, very thankful that my body has taken care of everything on it's own and a D&C will not be necessary. Phew. I was really nervous. Especially after watching an episode of Law and Order: SVU and in it, this girl dies after having a miscarriage and not everything was removed so she got an infection. Apparently, that is super unrealistic, but it still freaked me the heck out.

There were lots of pregnant women at the doctor's office...that made me sad. You could see in my uterus where the sack once was...and that made me sad. Really just being there in general made me sad. I mean, whenever you imagine being in the OB's office and getting the ultrasound done and all that, you don't really think about being there for a BAD reason. It's supposed to be happy, ya know? Everything about pregnancy and babies makes my heart (and I swear, my ovaries too) hurt. If I could just NOT see any baby bumps or children under the age of 5, that would be GREAT. At least for a little while.

This has been the slowest week of my entire life. I have thought that many times before, but I mean it now more than ever. Time has just stood still since last Thursday night. I have been overwhelmed by the support and love we have gotten from our friends and family and even people we don't know. I have been surprised at some rude and inconsiderate comments about miscarriages. I have grown closer to both God and Joe and am so thankful for that. It's just been a long, emotional, crazy, sad, and weird week.

We have received dozens and dozens of texts and messages and calls from our loved ones to show their support. We are so thankful for every single one of you. I'd like to make a shout out to a couple people who have gone above and beyond to show their support to Joe and I. Mom, Dad, Alyssa, Aunt Lisa, Becky, Emily, Chelsea, Rachel, and Jessica. Like I said, we have had SO many people be such a blessing to us with their thoughts and prayers...I just wanted to acknowledge the above people for checking up on us every day or constantly trying to build us up or just be a shoulder to cry on.

As the title of this post says, we are moving forward. We obviously are still quite heartbroken at the loss of our baby, but we are grieving and growing and moving forward in the best way we possibly can. I don't think I have talked to God more or felt closer to my husband than I have in the past week. I've read so many stories about people who have gone thru pregnancy or infant loss and they blamed God or it tore their marriage apart...and I don't judge anyone for anything while going thru this experience...but I'm glad that Joe and I have been able to use it in a way to grow us together and closer to our Heavenly Father. I have actually been surprised that I never blamed God for taking away our baby...in the past I have used Him as quite the punching bag for when things go wrong. But I have found myself thanking God for loving my baby and for giving her a home in Heaven. There was obviously something not right with our little one...and He knew that. He knew that Heaven would be a much more suitable home, and I am thankful for that.

We actually talked a little more today about trying again and made a plan. And a plan B. And a plan C. We know that things don't always go according to plan, so we decided to prepare for any situation...although, God has a way of making a way for plan D and in that case, it will all just be a surprise. One way or the other, we know we are going to have a baby to hold someday, and we couldn't be more excited for that. Nothing will ever change, however, that our little angel baby made us a mommy and a daddy first.