This post is probably going to have WAY too much information. But I'm pissed. I am pissed that after having to go through this hell of an emotional roller coaster, 2 and a half weeks later I am STILL bleeding. As if losing my baby wasn't enough...As if the nightly dreams of babies and pregnancy and miscarriages aren't enough...As if breaking down in tears every time I see a pregnant lady or a newborn in person or online isn't enough...I STILL DREAD GOING TO THE BATHROOM BECAUSE I KNOW THAT MY BODY IS STILL FREAKING RIDDING ITSELF OF WHATEVER THE HECK IT THINKS IT NEEDS TO RID!!! I thought I was FINALLY done with it. After almost 24 hours of no bleeding, I thought it was over. Being completely honest, more than a few not kind words were shouted at God this last bathroom trip when I discovered the bleeding came back with a vengeance. Urrrgghhh. I'm just ready to start over. Ready to try again. And I can't do that as long as this is happening! I feel like women get the short end of the stick with an awful lot of stuff from periods to labor and all that. Why can't I just have this be over? Why do we have to go thru this? I promise to never complain about a period or aches and pains of future pregnancies...I just want this constant reminder to go away. Oh, and these hormones that make me feel like a psycho could chill out too.
Absolutely nothing insightful or positive in this post. Just venting. I'm feeling very broken and angry today instead of broken and grieving. I feel like people are probably sick of seeing me whine about this....but oh well. I'm sick of going thru this and yet I have to deal with it.
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