I feel like a mom. That sounds so weird. I just do though. I feel like there should be a little baby in my arms or sleeping in the next room. But there isn't. And my heart just feels a little empty. Maybe it's not so much that my heart feels empty as much as my arms do. I think I AM a mother because I DID hold a baby in me and I will ALWAYS hold that baby in my heart.
I am really trying not to be impatient. Really trying to trust God. I have so much faith that He is going to fill my empty arms with a baby...but my impatient self wants that NOW.
All I ever wanted was to be pregnant and have a baby and be a mommy. Now a days, I would like to skip the pregnant part and just have that baby to hold. I'm scared to death of another loss...especially 2 or more losses in a row.
Just being real with you all. Had some dreams last night that I think really upset me (I can't even remember them...I just know they were sad and about babies) so I am sure that is why I'm kind of in a funk today. I know Jesus is faithful and I know He is holding Joe and I close. I think Satan is trying to do everything he can to shake me and make me doubt God.
I feel like the above was a huge cluster...but still, a cluster of my thoughts :)
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