To My Sweet Angel Babies

Dear Pia and Spud,

There are simply no words to describe the pain that is knowing that as long as I am here on this earth, I cannot have you. From the moment your daddy and I knew you both were there, we loved you deeply. The love that I felt for you is a different love than I had ever felt before and one I didn't even know was possible. If I could have given my life in place of yours I would have done so in a heart beat. I ache because I selfishly want you here, with me and your daddy, but I know you are in a place that is SO much better. To think that Jesus will be the one raising you is bittersweet. Again, selfishly, I want you in MY arms but you have the Creator of the universe holding you and that is pretty amazing. He has a love for you that is bigger and better than even the love I have for you! If you cannot be here with us, I find so much peace knowing that at this moment you are in the arms of Jesus and I just cannot wait till the day we will be together again. Because the day will come, sweet babies, that we will be together and I promise you I will hold you so close to make up for the time we have to be apart. I cannot wait to see your faces. I cannot wait to run my fingers thru your hair as I stare into your eyes and kiss your cheeks. My heart is so heavy because it seems like it will be forever until that day comes. I wanted so badly to have you with us now. Jesus has a plan though, my sweet babies, and He has proven time and time again that He wants the best for all of us, so I will trust him.

I just love you so much. So much that my heart can hardly stand it. Please, please know that.

Love Forever and Ever,

Your Mommy

Knocked Up Take 2!

These last several days have seriously been incredible. We CONFIRMED on Thursday that we were pregnant and nausea has been in full swing pretty much since that day. I'm embracing it instead of complaining because it is a constant reminder that baby is growing. Leslie Jordan took some amazing pregnancy reveal picture for us and we have had a BLAST telling our loved ones about our big news! We are ecstatic to say the least. We have been stocking up on baby stuff for a little while but now Joe is having to rein me in on the big spending because seriously, I could have had shopping for this sweet baby DONE by now :P 

As you can imagine, along with the excitement has come some nervousness. We are definitely not focusing on it, but after the miscarriage in May, I think it is to be expected that we would be a little nervous. I know that there are risks thru all of pregnancy, but I think that after our 6 week mark when it happened last time, we will feel much better. Still, though, prayers would be greatly appreciated for the growth and development of our baby and also with mommy and daddy as we trust God to take care of everything. We love this baby so, so much already. We would be incredibly blessed to be able to hold him/her in 8 months but no matter what, we know Jesus has this taken care of.

So here we go with this question thing again :) I warn you now...the next 35 weeks are going to be LONG ones if you don't like reading about pregnancy shtuff because I'm going to be posting about it a lot :) 

How far along: 4 weeks 4 days

Total weight gain: No weight gain yet. I'm about 8 pounds heavier than I was when I got pregnant in April which kinda stinks but my number one priority is being healthy for baby :)

Maternity clothes: None yet. I probably wont need them for a while.

Stretch Marks: Nothing new :P Using shea butter to hopefully keep it from getting TOO out of control but I welcome any and every mark on my body creating a life brings.

Symptoms: Boobs hurt. Bad. And some food aversion.

Food Cravings: None yet! Trying to eat as healthy as possible

Anything making you queasy or sick? A teeny bit queasy but nothing crazy

Sleep: Sleep is okay. 

Best moment this week: Obviously, finding out I'm pregnant and telling our friends and family.

Miss anything? Really not doing anything differently. I have to say I will actually really miss cleaning the litter box!

Movement: We have QUITE some time before that comes around

Wedding Rings on or off? On. Actually, I can fit it on all my fingers...including my thumb :P

Mood: I started this post last night and my response to the "Mood" question would have been GREAT. Today? Today I'm feeling quite crabby because of the nausea and withdrawal from my meds.

Looking forward to most: I am definitely most looking forward to my doctor's appointment in a couple weeks.